Affectionately, watchfully

Thank you God for teaching me to be humble. By being humble, I gather peace to wait upon You and how you will move in our situation. You urged me to I lay my burdens before Your feet, that is a sign of humility and You said, You care for me affectionately, watchfully! Wow! That is very assuring.

And so I trust You for what needs to be done to me, my family and all the other cares I have in my mind and heart.

Thank you that You will send us there. You will provide for our lack. You will move even strangers to support us. You will send us on the right date.

You will lead my husband to lead us properly. You will cause him to depend on You at all times. He will continue to be a man of integrity and fear You at all times. You will cover his body wherever he goes.

You will heal my allergies. And clear my body from any sickness. You will always protect and cover our children from any infection or disease. They will be strong to withstand virus and bacteria.

Thank you that we will not even worry about our material things - keeping, sorting, organizing. We will be able to do everything in the right time. You will keep me focused and not procrastinate. You will give me extra strength to finish school requirements and projects, submit them promptly.

We have a little more than two weeks (my personal deadline). In the natural- that is really a room for concern, even worry. But I will choose to TRUST YOU, I humble myself before You and cast these burdens unto You. Let me trust you completely. Your will be done, not mine, not ours.

You told me to look unto You, and not listen to the discouraging "noise" around us. I cry out to You, my Lord, my Saviour, , my Provider, my Healer.

Because you care for me-- affectionately, watchfully. I just love you Jesus!

"What do you want me to do for you?"

Jesus asked this question three times (Mark 10:36, Mark 10:51, Luke 18:41). The other night after telling the story of the blindman and beggar Bartimeaus to our daughters at bedtime, I asked the same question Jesus asked his disciples (in Mark 10:36) and the blind men (in two story accounts (Mark and Luke).

"What do you want me to do for you?"

To this, our youngest bravely and confidently remarked with a ready answer: "Ice cream! And battery-operated car!" (the car is her wish and in her prayers always).

Then I asked our eldest. And she answered with conviction, "Money for our trip." I was surprised that our eldest and me had the same top answer in mind. Lately, we are working hard to raise funds and believing God for provision. So if Jesus would ask me too, I would have the same answer as my eldest daughter's.

Our little ones' reply to Jesus' question showed totally contrasting needs. But they replied with all genuine honesty and sincerity.

HOW ABOUT YOU? How would you answer the question,

"What do you want me to do for you?"

Expectancy

Noun:
1. an expectation
anticipation
expectation - the feeling that something is about to happen
suspense - excited anticipation of an approaching climax; "the play kept the audience in suspense"
fever - intense nervous anticipation; "in a fever of resentment"
hope - a specific instance of feeling hopeful; "it revived their hope of winning the pennant"

2. expectancy - something expected (as on the basis of a norm); "each of them had their own anticipations"; "an indicator of expectancy in development"
anticipation
expectation, outlook, prospect - belief about (or mental picture of) the future
life expectancy - an expected time to live as calculated on the basis of statistical probabilities

I'm filled with overwhelming foresight of greater things to come ahead. I can't wait to see each of them unfold!

I will be a witness to something extraordinary- that will only come to pass through a miracle.

I will give Him praise!

God of This City by Chris Tomlin

[Verse 1]
You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

[Verse 2]
You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

[Verse 1]

[Verse 2]

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our god
There is no one like our God

[Chorus]
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

The Lord is turning my mourning into dancing

It will be almost two months since Dad died. Slowly, God is turning my "mourning into dancing". It is an answered prayer. I have gone back to the old routine. By choice, I focus my mind on Him and not be anxious about anything especially how my mother will be. The prayers and encouragement of our friends help a lot too.

On Mourning

Psalm 30:11-12 (NLT)
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!

My Psalm:
I pray O Lord, that you will turn my mourning into joyful dancing. You will take away my clothes of mourning and clothe me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

After attending the victory group tonight (June 9), I feel lighter from the grief I still feel. While recounting to them the story of Dad’s wake in Masbate, I realized that it is only now that I am starting to mourn.

The past two weeks at the wake have been a family reunion actually, more than mourning. Thirty people composed of Mom’s siblings, our cousins and nephews, nieces arrived from Manila. An aunt came from Cebu. Cousins whom we seldom see travelled from Tacloban. More relatives trooped from Palanas, Dimasalang south of Masbate. And there are those from Aroroy, Batuhan, west of Masbate. Joy and Jerich travelled from Minnesota. Sam and I, Bong, Niqz, and our children, as well as Niqz’ father, travelled from Manila. Four batches in high school gathered at the wake with our high school teachers. Even old neighbors, church family spent hours chatting with us.
Relatives who came brought food, fresh catch from the sea, manually-grinded puto, freshly-baked bread and biscuits, newly harvested mangoes and a lot more.

After we buried Dad last Wednesday, we ordered a whole lechon for our relative’s lunch which was “gone in 60 seconds”. The day after, we learned that Niqz, Glen’s wife is pregnant. We shouted jubilant. Joyce is also 4 months pregnant. As gratitude to our relatives from Manila, we accepted our cousin’s invitation to go to Cadulan, a town in Dimasalang. We spent the that Thursday swimming in Boracay-like virgin resort, boating, and enjoying fresh buko, sea urchins, grilled fish, squid, octopus – all freshly-caught and juicy. They also cooked nilagang native chicken. We had pinakro- boiled bananas with cocomilk. Daddy loved the beach too and would have enjoyed it as much as we did, especially the small children.

On Friday, Joy decided to celebrate Jerich’s 3rd birthday party since our cousins and their children are still there. Daddy died on Jerich’s birthdate. It was a fun-filled afternoon with children’s games and much laughter which really brought comfort especially for Mom.

On Saturday, we were invited to an aunt’s place for merienda.

No void to wallow in grief. We were all busy receiving guests, friends, relatives, by taking turns 24/7. If we were not cooking, we were going to the market, cleaning the house, doing laundry, running errands, feeding our children or simply sharing meals with everyone. My brother Bong efficiently organized all workflow, budgeting, as well as meal schedules by organizing committees which made our tasks systematically in order. We even had a working schedule printed and posted on the wall to guide us daily. I composed a 48-slide PowerPoint slideshow honoring Daddy which I kept on editing whenever I would find a new picture from Mom’s photo albums. I also prepared the necrology service program and coordinated with the pastors. At night time we worshipped God and fellowshipped in the funeral services, where our very own Pastor Glen and Sam got to share the Word. We were praying that someone will hear the Word and accept Jesus in his heart as Lord and Savior.
Hours after Dad’s burial, an uncle confessed Jesus as his Lord and Savior. After Jerich’s party, a cousin also surrendered her life to Jesus. We also heard of others blessed and moved by observing the way we conducted the wake, even our testimonies in our eulogies. What answers to our prayers!

I cried at the Necrology and Committal service- because it was the last time we would see Daddy’s physical body. And because I was overwhelmed at how many relatives and friends came to pay their last respects and comfort our family. We prepared food at the Memorial Garden for 200 people and we heard there are a few who were not fed. While saying my eulogy, I choked thinking of the old times with him. And of gratefulness that he led us to the church where we met Jesus and now his legacy reaches multitudes and nations where we are led to go. I wept in joy when everyone sang and declared his favorite song: “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”

After returning in Manila last Monday, June 7, until now, I feel the sadness over his loss. I cry in the shower. I end up staring blankly and remember him. I cannot focus on homeschooling and supervising some projects. There is peace and rejoicing in my heart that Jesus took him home; and in his glorified body, his legs are full and he is leaping and praising his Maker. But there is still the gripping pain in my heart that our Christmas reunions are not complete without him anymore. No one will scold us when the screen door is banged or the main gate left open. There is no one to nag about prohibited food when we are gathering. And no more smiles to greet us when we open the door at every homecoming. Since he was amputated, he occupied a corner in our living room that makes him the first one to be seen as we open the door.

My mourning has just begun. I wonder for how long? So I pray that Psalm above- looking forward to the time that God will replace our sadness with joy and our mourning with dancing.

For the meantime, writing/blogging helps me. I also created a few online photo albums in honor of him which I published in Facebook. Tonight I thought I was not ready to meet my victory group. I pushed myself to go and I am glad I went that I was able to share with them God’s goodness over the last days. And when I ministered to someone in need, I felt strength rushing back. I still want to be used by God in the midst of my grief and mourning.

The Lord is my strength and comfort. I am waiting on Him. I speak that this mountain of challenge will soon be hurled into the depths of the sea, replaced by a bright rainbow and warm overwhelming joy.

Daddy had decided to follow Jesus

At Dad's Necrology service, I was overwhelmed with everyone singing Daddy's favorite song: "I have decided to follow Jesus; no turning back, no turning back." After he was buried, an uncle, a cousin, other relatives decided to follow Jesus.

Missing Daddy

Daddy died at the age of 75 on May 24. He was diagnosed with diabetes when I was in college, over two decades ago. For the last five years he has been an amputee with below the knee amputation (BKA) on his right leg after his big toe contracted a wound infection. Two weeks’ worth of hospitalization and medication in Masbate and Manila was not able to revive his toes thus his doctors had no choice but to perform the operation.

He accepted the fact that he was one leg less but his life was never the same again. He used to be active even after his retirement. Being an athlete when he was younger, a hard-worker, he breezed through the hardships of life. He trained athletes in volleyball, chess and boxing when he was a teacher in MNCHS. He had a bicycle which he used daily for his routine of going to the market, doing errands, etc. Our eldest daughter was able to enjoy a few years with him in his strength.
After the amputation he chose to be confined in the home. Walking again with an artificial leg was never an option for him. He did not even like or tried the idea of using crutches to help him become mobile. He was comfortable in his walker and for those five years, he stayed and slept in a sofa bed in our living room in our house in Masbate.

When we came home from his interment and burial last Wednesday, our living room looked so big and weird. We miss the sofa bed that was his comfy haven as well as his ready smile to greet us always when we open the door. His area was also where his coffin was placed during the eight days of wake.

For the past days after burying him, this corner in the living room is now our conversation area. Where we reminisce and talk about his last days, and anything we think of. We miss Dad.

MInd Battle

I reposted this so I wouldn't forget this very timely word:


Monday, May 17, 2010
Defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better
by Rick Warren

Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable. Philippians 4:8 (TEV)

The more you think about something, the stronger it takes hold of you, which is why the Bible teaches that we should, "Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts . . . but stay close to anything that makes you want to do right." (2 Timothy 2:22, LB)

Temptation begins by capturing your attention. What gets your attention arouses your emotions. Then your emotions activate your behavior, and you act on what you felt. The more you focus on "I don't want to do this," the stronger it draws you into its web.

Ignoring a temptation is far more effective than fighting it. Once your mind is on something else, the temptation loses its power. So when temptation calls you on the phone, don't argue with it, just hang up!

Sometimes this means physically leaving a tempting situation. This is one time it is okay to run away. Get up and turn off the television set. Walk away from a group that is gossiping. Leave the theater in the middle of the movie. To avoid being stung, stay away from the bees.

Do whatever is necessary to turn your attention to something else.

Spiritually, your mind is your most vulnerable organ. To reduce temptation, keep your mind occupied with God's Word and other good thoughts. You defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better. This is the principle of replacement. You overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21).

Satan can't get your attention when your mind is preoccupied with something else. That's why the Bible repeatedly tells us to keep our minds focused: "Fix your thoughts on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1 NIV).

"Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable" (Philippians 4:8 TEV).

If you're serious about defeating temptation you must manage your mind and monitor your media intake. The wisest man who ever lived warned, "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 TEV).

JOSEPH AND SAM

Reading the story of Joseph in Genesis always brings me to tears.

I get touched every time I reach the part when he tries so hard to conceal his identity from his brothers when they came to Egypt to buy grain where he was the man in command. I cry the hardest when finally he reveals himself- that he is Joseph, and that everything happened for a purpose.

His brothers sold him as slave to Egypt where he was assigned to Potiphar’s house who in turn assigned him his household. Basically there was favor in everything Joseph did. Potiphar was blessed because of him. Even when he was faced with temptation from Potiphar’s wife, it was God’s way to challenge him to test his character for something greater. He was sent to jail in return for his integrity. There he met Paharaoh’s cupbearer and the baker who shared him their dreams. They were also imprisoned like him.

Joseph is the man of dreams; he had been dreaming about leadership when he was just a boy. These dreams put him in his present situation in the first place because his brothers cannot comprehend that in his dream; they will one day bow down to him. So they were envious of him and plotted to kill him but later decided to just sell him. God gave Joseph the ability to interpret dreams so that when the other prisoners told him their dreams, he was able to accurately foretell their meanings. When the cupbearer was released, he forgot about Joseph. And again, it was still God’s plan for him to continue staying in prison. While he was probably alone (away from his family), undressed, dirty, or cold, as we envision those imprisoned in dungeons in the early times were, the Bible says that God was with Joseph still. His favor never left him. He was again put in charge of the prison, of all the prisoners. The only thing he lacked was freedom from prison itself. And finally the cupbearer remembered him. He was summoned to interpret the dreams of the Pharaoh which not even his magicians and wise men of Egypt can interpret. This is when Joseph’s vindication and liberation came. And then his personal dreams came true. When Pharaoh put him in charge of all Egypt to prepare them for famine and lead them when famine strikes, he was second in command and all Pharaoh had, he was given, except the throne itself. God gave him so much wisdom that Egypt was not affected at all by seven years of famine. Instead, the neighboring nations came to Egypt for food. His brothers bowed down before him when they came to buy grain, not knowing he is Joseph, the brother they sold, the son of their Father he thought was killed by wild animals.

When our family was also suffering from different testing and a pattern of lack which we can equate to famine, Sam encouraged me to look at the life of Joseph and his character in the midst of all his trials and suffering. Being sold as a slave is humiliation. Imprisonment is no joke either. Being forgotten is agonizing. But constantly, in different seasons in his life, God was with him. His favor rested on him.

When we heard the call to the nations, Sam desired that he will be like Joseph. That he will gain favor with the leaders of the land and he will have the same wisdom and leadership when entrusted with a great responsibility. Looking back I am glad God placed him to work in the government where he is being honed, trained and he is able to meet and mingle with people all across the country and even abroad that those currently in church leadership may not have the chance to meet and engage with. Talking with Sam brings amazement and awe with all the cerebral inputs he can deliver and the brilliant ideas he can think about.

After all these preparations, we are expectant that like Joseph, God will remember to promote Sam to the very purpose He had in the beginning. And like Joseph, I believe that Sam plays a role in delivering God’s redeeming purpose to the land he has called us.

When I read Joseph’s story this time, I cried the hardest because I felt God’s calming assurance and I felt that His favor is at work. And it is almost time.

Re-union

I put at dash at the word "reunion" to emphasize how important this meeting was.

This afternoon I met with my old friend Ana. This meeting has been planned repeatedly and even got postponed when we lost confirmation when my cellphone signal went dead. So we reset the meeting after a month and finally we sat down over frapuccinos (coffee jelly for me :)). The rest of my family joined later and we had a fruitful exchange of updates that we hoped we had more time.

Ana was a classmate from Kindergarten to High School. We never got together in same barkada but occasionally went to the same sleep-overs with common friends. In high school I came to know the Lord and most of our fun times together were spent in youth camps and church events. After college we have gotten closer when we were already working in the same networking company. I even stood as a godmother to one of her daughters.

After some circumstances that separated us (busyness at work, mostly), we were content with only occasional updates.

What impacts me recently (meaning for the last 5 years)is getting good reports from her which speaks highly of her testimony. I am amazed at how God worked in her family and personal life. She is candid in sharing how much she and her husband learned from the challenges that they faced in business, in family testings. Her life story will make a great MMK episode or even a teleserye. Its core shows God's faithfulness and grace. It encourages us to have them urge us to pursue our love for the nations.

So I am excited every time we plan to meet and to hear updates from her. Of what the Lord is doing lately through them. She is passionate, bold and a natural leader. Her husband has a big heart! And together they face persecutions, more challenges and hopeful expectations for the future.

I am expectant of our next re-unions.

Enduring Birth Pains

Labor has begun. There is a combination of emotions for the parents-to be. The anticipation of the birth of their child is exciting. The first eye-to-eye contact with the baby is priceless.

I am teaching first-time parents to prepare for childbirth. My husband and I gave birth to our two children by Lamaze. He was very much involved in the labor and delivery of our babies as my labor coach.

Last week's culmination of a birth-class and another couple halfway on the course, as well as a baby shower I hosted last week for one of the ladies in our small group, got me thinking of another birthing process my family will soon experience in the place God has given us.

Pain is real in birthing. Just like the woman who will soon experience pain when contractions start to come as her labor begins, I expect that we will also experience the "birthing pains" such as discomforts, confusion, the feeling of "losing it" (which pregnant moms in labor feel during the transition phase in labor), and discouragement. And while delivering mothers feel impatient when the baby does not come out yet after an exerted effort while "pushing", I know there will also be times of impatience, long waiting and hopelessness when nothing seems to happen despite all the “pushing” being exerted.

These all sound too negative!

But just like in Lamaze birth, there are comfort measures to counter-act the pain and all the negative feelings.

One major comfort measure is breathing properly and using different kinds of breathing for every stage and phase of labor.

Our God is a breath of fresh air. The Holy Spirit is likened to the wind. When we ”breathe” Him, we will be refreshed, renewed. As the supply of oxygen is replenished every time we breathe, God will also restore blessings, provisions and eliminate stress and worry.

Even writing this realization is like fresh air to me. As we face the challenges of preparing for birthing, I can say, “You are the air I breathe!” and suddenly, inhaling Him deeply releases any tension or stress that get in the way. Just like how the supply of oxygen works to refresh the brain to eliminate any stresses, toxins in the body and lets all organs of the body function well, God’s supply of air will fill my mind and heart with His provision, wisdom and power to carry out His will and see its fruition.

With God’s strength, focus and hardwork I can say that every birth is welcome with delight and joy. It is a special gift.

The Birthing Process Part 1

Today I finished teaching Childbirth Class (Lamaze Method) to a couple I met for the first time. I was referred to them by another friend who was also my student and his wife gave birth successfully by Lamaze two years ago. At the end of this week, I will start another private class for another couple. Both of them are first-time parents. I pray that they will all give birth naturally and that the principles I shared with them will be useful.

For every session I meet these parents-to be, I feel an excitement for them as they expect the birth of their babies. Teaching Childbirth Class since 2006 has opened an opportunity for me that I never thought I could have.

I gave birth by Lamaze twice with both our daughters. With the encouragement of my OB-Gyn and my loving husband who patiently coached me through the birthing process, I still freshly recall every part of the experience which I hope most of the women I encounter will also go through. When my sister- in-law got pregnant, her OB who was also my OB, suggested she try Lamaze birth. When she was asking for a recommendation for a Lamaze teacher, she said, "why not your sister-in-law, Imee?" This gave me such boost to teach my sister-in-law. With a recommendation coming from the Chairperson of the OB-Gyn Department of St. Luke's Medical, it was such an honor to teach her and my brother.

My sister-in-law gave birth by Lamaze successfully and so that got the word around. Soon after, I found myself teaching other close friends who were also patients of my OB. The early students were pastors and missionaries. Then word of mouth spread and other friends in the church heard and requested for the class. I conduct it privately by going to the couples' house so as not to inconvenience the pregnant wife from traveling. It is also done in the comforts of their home. In several occasions, my husband has also joined me. His personal experience is an encouragement to the fathers-to-be. Earlier in my teaching season, I was biased to teach only those who give birth in St Luke's as I am already familiar with the procedure there. But later, friends who go to other major hospitals like Cardinal, Medical City have been coming to me by referrals too.

Teaching Childbirth Class is one of the passions I enjoy doing. I can talk about it for hours, just like Homeschooling. And I particularly get rewarded whenever I receive messages for prayer when the wife starts labor and finally gives birth to their child! Successful Lamaze delivery or not (because of some complications), I praise God for the gift of life. If only all of the pregnant mothers are informed or made aware of the things to expect when they give birth and such numerous options they have to ensure a safe and manageable delivery.

I will continue to pass on the information as long as there is chance. I will continue to let parents informed and prepared for the unfolding of God's gift to them.

What is your idea of rest?

Old age is such a help in pushing me to discover what God meant by “rest.” May I challenge you not to wait until you are old but to pray now for wisdom to so time things that God receives honor from your schedule. Reminder: One or two hours of flat on back time each afternoon refreshes you AND your family.

- from Walkersville Christian Family School Newsletter

Martin Luther on "schools"...

I encountered this very powerful Quote from a Homeschool site:

"I am much afraid that schools will prove to be great gates of Hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures, engraving them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place his child where the scriptures do not reign paramount. Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt."

-Martin Luther

God loves to surprise us

Last night we received an email. God answered "No" to one of our prayers. We prayed with our children that He will give us a better option, or rather, His best option!

And while waiting for that to be answered, today, He gave us something to smile about. Totally a surprise. You know the feeling when I received my new laptop for free? It is similar to that... to receive something you totally don't expect.

Praise God for these gifts today!

New year, new breakthroughs...

I almost forgot I have a blogspot. And I haven't written lately in my other sites either. This time of the year, I don't need to voice out my primary excuse- that I cannot write because I don't have my own computer.

Since the latter part of last year, I had wished to have my own laptop. Since the old laptop my husband provided for us in the house was not working properly because the kids accidentally poured water on it, I had to queue for my turn to use my husband's laptop to get online.

That wish turned into a prayer because I could really see the need and convenience to have my own. For the year 2010 Faithgoals, I listed the desire to have my own laptop in my personal goals.

On the third week of January, I was blessed with a brief project (wedding coordination) and the couple gave me a generous bonus! It could almost buy me a mini-laptop! And I was ready to do that the following week.

But God had other plans. He wanted to surprise me.

My husband was invited to attend an event and to everyone's surprise, it was announced at the end of the event that they have a raffle. My husband was not at all expecting because his name does not often gets drawn in similar activities. That particular day, January 28th, his name was drawn and he won an HP Mini! He called me right away that I need not to buy one because "meron ka nang laptop!"

I was overjoyed when he finally came home with the laptop box. And equally excited were the children (because they can use it too for games and research!).

I couldn't believe that he was given the laptop for free! When I opened the box, he wrote a note: "an answer to our prayers." Indeed it is!

I thanked God for a quick answer to my prayer! Just barely a month from listing it in my Faithgoals, He gave it right away.

I can just praise God for this one of the many other breakthroughs coming our way.

God is good!